Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
