the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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