I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
