I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
