You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
