How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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