ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
