i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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