Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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