so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
