If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
