i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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