True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
