I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
