I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
