Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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