yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
