Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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