Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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