I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want to make out with him forever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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