When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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