At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
