mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
