does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
