my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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