i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
