Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
