Where did you get a picture of my penis
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
