I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize