True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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