you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
