i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize