Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
