then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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