Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
