So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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