just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
