im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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