I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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