just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
