The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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