Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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