I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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