Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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