tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
