So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
