i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
