i just had sex bonerless
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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