About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
