What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
