I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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