i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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