wakey wakey hands off snakey
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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