ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
