You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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