Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
