def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
