What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
