Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
