u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
