90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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