I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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