New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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