Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
